Thursday, April 12th, 2012
My midwives are coming over today, to our house, for our big pre-birth home/prenatal visit. This is the visit where they peruse the house and our supplies and make sure we are all ready to go for labor and delivery. I cannot believe that this day is actually here! The impending home birth of our babe is becoming so real. Wow!
Craig and I have been slightly scrambling over the last few weeks to gather all of the supplies and materials we will need to have on hand for our homebirth. These include an inflatable birthing tub, tarp for under said tub, new lead-free, eco-friendly hose to fill the tub, adapter for connecting the hose to the faucet, and air pump. There’s also PVC-free shower curtains for the bed and floors to protect them, food and drink that I will want in labor, a glass or metal bowl for the placenta, flashlight, hand mirror, garbage bags, heating pad, and various sterilization packs I have created of towels, washcloths, and baby clothes… and the list goes on.
Preparing for our homebirth has been such an extraordinary experience. The “work”—both physical and mental is gratifying because I am very much forced to visualize what type of birth I desire. I am claiming my territory and surrounding myself with the energy and supplies I need at home to settle in and focus on the work ahead. And at this stage in my pregnancy, it’s a bit exhausting physically running errands and gathering items on our lists—but so totally worth it.
I spend my days thinking through relaxation techniques, pain management, what rooms I may want to be in while laboring, what I will wear, who will be with me, etc. And I understand that any and all of this is subject to change once I am in the actual moment. I am okay with that. I have such an extraordinary amount of faith in the capacity of my body to show me the way—no matter what happens. My whole pregnancy has really opened my eyes to this unwavering faith and trust in my body, and it has been such a delightful discovery.
And I think all this reading and gathering and visualization is very powerful preparation. Craig and I have been reading voraciously at night—tackling the Bradley method, Hypnobirthing, Birthing from Within, pioneering midwife Ina May Gaskin’s collections of positive birthing stories in her Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery, and the list goes on. We’ve rented documentaries and watched online videos of homebirths, water births, and midwives explaining the mechanics of the stages of labor. We’ve been learning about labor positions, labor activities, visualization exercises, and more.
Dare I say I am actually pretty darn excited about the whole event. Don’t get me wrong… I hold no illusions that it won’t be hard work. I recognize that I may indeed doubt my abilities in the thick of it. I understand that circumstances may develop that are beyond my control. But I am confident in my body, Craig’s coaching, and my midwives to champion and support me at each stage.
Soon theory and practice will collide when I go into labor. And with labor will come a wonderful unfolding of self-discovery and growth. It will be here soon enough. I feel a primal sense of embodiment and wisdom burbling deep within my core.
When my body is ready, it will let me know. And until then, I plan to nest away and savor these last days of just me.
Saturday, March 31st, 2012
March is drawing to a close. Wow. I cannot believe how fast time is passing for me right now! I am 33 weeks pregnant. And I still feel really, really good. However, I am starting to slow down a bit. I can’t seem to get all the chores done that I used to without having to stop and rest. My back starts to get sore after a bit. And I have to pee lots and lots. But I suppose that is to be expected. I still love being pregnant. My belly is quite round at this point, and The Bump juts out this way and that making me look lop-sided. She’s still very active in there, but I dare say she’s starting to run out of room.
March has been such a wild month—it started out cold and icky. But then it suddenly got not just warm, but downright stupid hot. Before it was even officially Spring, we had a string of days in the low 80s. In New Hampshire! Just didn’t seem right. Craig and I loved that warm weather though. We even took off for the beach, and I had a blast walking along the sand and cooling my slightly swollen toes in the freezing Atlantic waters.
But that was all a few weeks ago. In that time everything started sprouting outside—there are already trees in bloom here. Croci and daffodils are up. Hyacinths are in full effect. It’s just so strange because it is so early. And yet now it’s back to more seasonably cool Spring weather. Very chilly nights, windy days, clear blue skys, nice sunsets. Today it reached a high of 50°F. That’s more like it. I figure there is plenty of time for it to warm up.
I am in no rush right now. I am doing my best to enjoy these last weeks of “me”. A whole lot is about to change. And I am okay with that. Just going with the flow, taking in the wonder.
Monday, July 11th, 2011
It is HOT out. I am declaring the obvious emphatically. HOT HOT HOT. It is ten of nine on Monday night and it’s 86 degrees inside. Yes, inside.
This weather makes it tough to want to do anything at all besides sit around like a lazy bones and try not to sweat too much. I caved and ordered pizza tonight because I just couldn’t bear the thought of cooking, even if it was a salad. I didn’t want to be anywhere near the kitchen. So I splurged on pizza. It will likely last me all week.
Craig is in Germany on business, and I am tending to the house. Everything is everywhere (again) as we are painting the dining room and living room, and stairway. No TV plugged in, couch is moved to the center of the living room, and I can barely find my shoes.
Soon all the improvements will be done! But for now, I will enjoy delicious pizza from a local shop. This pizza has big pieces of roasted garlic, spinach, and basil. I will savor my alone time to its fullest. I will sit on the porch and will the breeze to rustle the trees.
This is definitely summer.
Friday, April 8th, 2011
I am realizing just how much joy I get from watching processes unfold and observing the ephemeral, ever-changing qualities of the garden.
I am also realizing that I just might need to graduate to a more sophisticated camera. I think the time is soon! But for now, I am savoring the Spring twilight. The weekend is here!
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011
Pardon me, while I finish yawning and stretching and… oh hold on… I must pause to take a nap.
Yep, that’s me.
Still wrapping my head around Daylight Savings three days later. Every year I try my best to adjust to the time change. And don’t get me wrong, I looooove Daylight Savings in March because that means Spring is just about here! Yes! This means that I am now running after work with the last vestiges of sun still in the sky!
But the sleeping part is tough. Especially as I continue to work on increasing the amount of sleep I get. I found it very difficult to wake up on Sunday morning after the time change. I know I lost an hour, but it felt more like I was in some sort of a time warp. And I was weighted down by magnets that wouldn’t let me leave my bed. It took great effort to leave my little warm bed cocoon.
I struggled to fall asleep Sunday night, of course, because I had slept too long. My body wasn’t interested in crawling back into bed to do it all over again.
So after a long Monday, I was bound and determined on Monday night to get a little extra sleep to re-regulate. I went to bed at 10:15 p.m. which is waaaaaay early for me. But I did it! Got myself all tucked in and snuggly. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I felt good!
On Tuesday morning I was wide awake about an hour and a half earlier than I needed to be. That is WEIRD for me. I never have “trouble” waking up early or falling back asleep. If I stir and glance at the clock and know I still have an hour left to snooze, I feel victorious! That’s the most precious hour in the world!
But I couldn’t fall back asleep. I was very much awake. And ready to get up. The sensation was odd. Not knowing quite what to do with myself, being up so early, I made hot water with lemon in a travel mug and went for a walk outdoors around the neighborhood in the very chilly morning air. The sun was just coming up.
It was really nice. Peaceful. Cold. Very quiet. What a refreshing, relaxing, and yet invigorating way to start the day. I had all these wonderfully creative thoughts bubbling up in my head about how my day would go, things I would accomplish, and what I could write about.
Last night I went to bed thinking I could be fine with getting up early again and starting my day with a walk. Let’s replicate! Except this time I couldn’t fall asleep. Even though I was tired. It was almost like my body was super confused and in a state of revolt.
No walk this morning. No up early. Although I did get up the first time my alarm went off without hitting snooze.
I wonder if my up-early-creative-walk was a one-time fluke? I kind of hope not though. I’d like to do it again. That walk yesterday morning was really lovely.
It sort of felt like I was making more new tracks. And good ones at that.